Several months ago, I heard a rumor that noted producer and chop-socky fan RZA (of Wu-Tang fame) was working on writing and directing his own kung fu masterpiece. They’ve just released their first red band trailer, and it looks INCREDIBLE.
Sexy ninja prostitutes! A dude who can turn into metal! Lucy Liu pulling some Mortal Kombat shit with a razor-edged fan! Blood-based rhythm dancing! PISTOLERO AND SPINNY KNIFE FIGHTER RUSSELL CROWE! And, of course, the titular man with iron fists.
Welcome to another installment of This Recap Bloody Sucks! Kurt will be taking the helm this week, after missing last week’s recap, but there’s plenty more to discuss with this ep. So, let’s get things started!
Whatever I Am, You Made Me (S5E3)
KS: So, the episode opens by throwing the Authority back into the spotlight, and while it was an improvement over last week’s snoozeworthy introduction, these guys still feel flat to me. Where’s the deep backstory? The intrigue? The sense of danger? Still, at least they’re moving the plot forward, strapping remote-activated iStake true death grenades to Bill and Eric and sending them out after Russell Edgington – who our heroes have finally convinced the Authority is still alive. And then there’s Salome, who shacks up both Bill and Eric in quick succession (after a speech about how she’s not really as trampy as the New Testament would have you believe, no less!). Oh, and Nora – who admits to being a Sanguinista after all! Man, there’s a lot going on here. And yet… is anyone else more excited by the prospect of getting Russell back than they are at all this Authority stuff? Because I sure am!
How many times have you thought, “I wish chesty B List celebrities could dole out advice to the lovelorn in convenient book form”?[Ed. Note: At least once] Well, your disjointed and possibly psychotic musings have been answered: Jennifer Love “Boobs” Hewitt wrote such a book (provocatively and verbosely titled “The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, I’m Jennifer Love Hewitt and I’m a Love-aholic” – stick that in your pipe and smoke it, “Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire”!), and has courteously made her take on male/female relations (sorry, gays) available to you, the reading public! (P.S. She wrote this in 2010, but I’m just reading this now because I have a Kindle, recently discovered the concept of downloading library books to it, and clearly have too much time on my hands).
Here are the Top Ten Quotes from “The Day I Shot Cupid: HIJLHAIAL”
So! After a few months of rumors, the trailer for the new Judge Dredd movie that’s coming out later this year is finally floating around the internet. Here it is!
I’m theoretically optimistic, but this also looks exactly like the trailer to pretty much every action movie ever! So that could mean just about anything. Karl Urban looks like he’s doing a good job, what with the scowling and not removing his helmet, but I’m less sold on the slow-mo drug and his plucky sidekick.
Will Dredd arbitrarily kill civilians, as is his style in the comics? Probably not, but hey: at least we’ve got someone better than Stallone this time around.
In light of the recent news that Kristen Stewart is the Highest Paid Actress in Hollywood, I present to you, dear readers, perhaps the reason for her success – her matriculation and graduation from the Ray Brower School of Acting. We all remember Ray, the boy from a neighboring town who went missing in Stand By Me, setting into motion the confluence of events that would bring Joaquin Phoenix’s brother, that kid from Star Trek: TNG, the last surviving Corey, and Trip McNeely from Can’t Hardly Wait together for an epic dead body adventure.
Ray only had one scene, but it was pivotal and affecting and has clearly led Kristen to the top of the pay scale in Hollywood. I mean, what other reason could there possibly be? She totally nails his look, don’t ya think?
Before we get this party started, I have one thing to say:
TV crossover of my dreams.
I don’t really care who does it, but Tina Fey and Alan Ball need to come together to make this happen! Ahem, in other news, Kathleen & Kurt had to bail this week because they’re all busy and important and vacationing in LA or wherever. So, just Jam Master Jim and I are taking on the questionable antics of Sookie and the gang in the latest installment of This Recap Bloody Sucks! Let’s get started, shall we? Continue reading →