I think we all can agree – Clowns are just the worst.
And yet, somehow Halloween doesn’t feel right without them. They’ve haunted my dreams for lo, these many years and I’m pretty sure this will be my last post for Geekenfreude because fellow contributor Lacey is sure to pummel me to death for posting these, but without further ado, I present to you the the most awful clowns I could find. It really wasn’t that difficult to locate awful clowns, trust me.
Ahh, good ole Pennywise, the source of nightmares for every child. Stephen King has created a ton of scary characters over his career but none have reached the level of mainstream saturation like Pennywise. He just wants to give you a balloon, how bad can that be? So what if he’s hanging out in the sewer, it’s a balloon! Seems like a legit payoff. He is awful and I don’t like him… but I do like balloons. Make me a bicycle, clown!
Look kids, it’s Pogo, your favorite kid’s party clown, isn’t he nice? No, as a matter of fact he isn’t cuz that’s serial killer John Wayne Gacy at one of his many charitable events. Unfortunately, his charity of choice was “Child Disposal” as he was responsible for 33 murders and became known as “Killer Clown”…that’s putting it mildly, I think. No?
I don’t know who this clown is and I don’t think I want to know. I’m just going to move on. He’s still looking at me, isn’t he? Is he still looking?? Don’t make eye contact!
CRAZY EVIL CLOWN BABY:
Yeah, cuz regular adult-sized clowns aren’t scary enough, let’s make an evil baby clown. Screw you, Crazy Evil Clown Baby makers!! This is like Chucky impregnated a Cabbage Patch. Let’s move on.
I hate you, Poltergeist Clown! This clown pretty much ruined my childhood and took all the fun out of counting between the lightning & thunder to tell how close the storm was getting to your house. One observation about the Poltergeist movie – ok, cute little Carol Anne got sucked into the TV, that’s fucked up, sure. But my man, Robbie (seen above) had a choke hold put on him by that fucking clown, got dragged beneath his own bed, which is where we know ALL THE OTHER MONSTERS HIDE. And guess what, that wasn’t good enough, because he got half eaten by a tree! Oh, poor Carol Anne can’t watch Happy Days from inside the TV, but Robbie got chomped by a cherry tree and it was hey, no big whoop. Bullshit. And also for good measure – JoBeth Williams was a total MILF in that flick!
SEXY CLOWN [Ed. note: That's apparently some awesome Dr. Rockso cosplay, thanks Elayne!]:
Just had to share that one, ya know, in case you like to mix nightmares in with your sex fantasies….no judgement here.
Thank, you, thanks…no need for applause…hey are you a clown or just some sort of joker?