Last week, SO much happened. So, so much! This week, less so. In fact, the only regular Girls peeps we see are Hannah and Ray. I may rant at the internet a little. Let’s get it on, shall we?
We open with Hannah and Ray talking about a new word Hannah thinks she’s made up “sexit“, Hannah thinks it should mean “to leave a place to have sex”. Ray looks it up on Urban Dictionary and finds that not only does it exist, but is defined the way Ray thought it was, which was to leave during sex, or immediately thereafter. Stop letting Ray be right, world.
Near the end of this stimulating debate, a Handsome Man (Patrick Wilson, who I keep wanting to be Josh Lucas, which is crazy because Josh Lucas is the poor man’s Matthew McConaughey. Patrick Wilson is the thinking woman’s Matthew McConaughey, or something.) Anywhoozle, you may recognize this Handsome Man from seeing his wiener in nearly anything he’s been in. He wants to speak to the manger about someone putting Grumpy’s trash in his trash cans. Ray is indignant about this because, why would a person do that when they have their own dumpster. It’s clear from Hannah’s face that she’s been doing it. Ray and this Handsome Man argue a bit, then HM leaves. Hannah tells Ray he was being a dick, which surprise, and says he’s created a toxic work environment, so she’s out.
Where she goes is directly to HM’s house and knocks on his door. She is typically awkward Hannah, which gets her an invite in to his lovely brownstone for some lemonade. What she gets is lemonade and some sex. Hey oh! Even in that aggressively awful jumpsuit? Good times.
(A digression: This has caused some weird-ass internet conversation about what sort of guy someone who looks like Hannah, or Lena Dunham, “deserves”. It’s horseshit. All different kinds of people like all different kinds of people. It doesn’t mean that anyone deserves to be with anyone else because of their looks. It’s why we’re such a wonderfully complex and diverse species. There is a lid for every muthereffin’ pot is what I always say, not that I think the Handsome Man is Hannah’s lid, but really, people of the internet, stop being such myopic assholes.
Sure, thanks to the Hollywood and fashion beauty monster, we all wish we looked like Chrissy Teigen or Brooklyn Decker, but more often than not, we look like Lena Dunham or Melissa McCarthy (who also got dissed by sexist troll Rex Reed for her body this week, not that he’s every been within 1000 feet of a vagina), and that’s not a bad thing, because Lena Dunham is beautiful to. There are definitely Patrick Wilsons out there who are into girls like Lena Dunham. Believe me, most of my romantic life wouldn’t have happened if they weren’t. But no one bats an eye at Kevin James and his beyond gorgeous wife Steffiana. What I’m saying is, piss on you for thinking that all of the Patrick Wilsons of the world only want to fuck the supermodels of the world, because it’s so not true. Some of them might want to fuck Lena Dunham or Chrissy Teigen, or both of them at the same time, some of them might want to fuck Kevin James, or John Legend. Regardless, it’s all okay. We are all free to choose our choice, and have others choose us as well. Namaste.)
Anyway, after the sex, we learn that the Handsome Man’s name is Joshua (not Josh). Welcome, Joshua. He then grills up Hannah some steak, tells her that he’s a separated doctor and gives her the tour. They wind up in the bedroom, where Hannah tries to scoot. Joshua tells her he wants her to stay, she makes him beg her to stay, which is pretty badass. She then, after he asks her to make him cum, flips the script and has him make her cum. Living the dream.
The next day, he calls off work, and asks her to do the same. They play topless ping pong, have more sex and read the paper. Living the damn dream. Then, in Joshuah’s super-fancy steam shower, Hannah passes out. In her post-dehydration state, she kind of, okay absolutely freaks the fuck out. She tells him that she didn’t ever think that she did, but she wants all the things, the refrigerator and the food and the happiness and all the things. Don’t we all? Then she tells him about some of the seriously weird shit that she’s engaged in. This is where Hannah loses me, and Joshua. Probably.
She wakes up the next morning, in his house, alone. She gets the paper, has toast and coffee, and when it’s abundantly clear that he’s not coming back, she takes out the trash and leaves. She just walks away into the day.
Shall we see Joshua again? I don’t know. It was kind of a sad, perfect, beautiful little capsule of just how exquisitely screwed up Hannah is, no? I mean, she’s why she can’t have nice things. But who isn’t when they’re 24? Which is kind of the whole point of this show, you go through your years of being insufferable, to one degree or another, and come out the other side a real, whole person. Whether or not you become sufferable, is an entirely different matter. Hannah is learning that she’s not the special and unique snowflake she always thought she was, she wants the same things as every other regular person. It’s a thing so many people have trouble coming to terms with, that most of us are pretty average, hence the term.
Next week, Hannah writes and eBook, Jessa is mean, Marnie hostesses for Booth (I’m pretty sure that’s going to end in douchery.) and Hannah colludes with Shosh to make Ray get his own copy of Little Women back from Adam. I hope Adam’s less depressing now. Should be good times, see you then!