This Recap Bloody Sucks – True Blood Season 6 Finale Recap

So, a lot happened here right. I mean, with some episodes that seemed like a bunch of filler, it seems like maybe they could have squeezed in an extra month or two, right? Maybe late nights working on Sam’s mayoral campaign? Maybe a little Alcide-gone-a-courtin’? Perhaps general hijinks at Bellefleur’s. But, noooooo, all we got was a flaming Viking (new shot?) and a title card. LAAAAMMMMEEEEEEEEE! But, a lot of the other stuff that happened was pretty okay, let’s talk about that…

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True Blood – This Recap Bloody Sucks! “Life Matters”

KURT: Okay, I know everyone wants to jump right to talking about Eric’s rampage and all the badass shit that happened after it… but as the man says, if you don’t eat your meat, how can you have any pudding? So let’s start with the boring crap: Sookie and Warlow in their goofball fantasy land. Sookie decides that the best way to cure Warlow is to just bite the shit out of her wrist. Sookie, lady, you DON’T have super sharp vampire teeth. You just have the regular kind… and I bet that hurt like BALLS. Then she gets pissed at Bill and kicks him out of the Whateververse and heads off to Terry’s funeral (more on that later).

So… raise your hand if you still give a shit what happens to Warlow, I guess? For someone who was set up as the big bad of the season multiple years ahead of time, they sure have (no pun intended) defanged him. At this point, I hope he just marries Sookie and they have immortal vamp-babies and then it becomes Warlow And Sookie Plus Eight (Eight Vampires, That Is).

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True Blood – This Recap Bloody Sucks! “Dead Meat”

JIM: Eric’s pissed. At Billith. Annnd now he’s mocking him, even as Billith levitates him around the room. In kind of an emotional end to the scene, Bill kicks him out to which Eric replies “I’m already gone.” That’s today’s lesson in subtext, kids. I’d ask how you thought Eric was going to react but we already know – he’s going to drink ABCD’s faerie blood so he can find Warlow in his faerie dimension and drink HIS blood. Whew. So what is Eric T’s plan now? Revenge on Billith? Saving Pam? Ooh, the possibilities. Oh, and did anyone find ABCD’s topless scene slightly icky? We know faeries age fast so she was technically of age but did they have to choose an actress with the tiny bewbs to remind everyone just how young she is?? Not that I’m a bewbist, by any means, I welcome them all, I just wish TB didn’t make me hate myself for doing so.

This Recap Bloody Sucks: True Blood Recap Season 6, Episode 7

You guys, I am the worst, apologies to my co-writers for the lateness of this post. Our reader is going to be so pissed! I’d tell you all about the week I had, but it would seem like the world’s weirdest country song, like a country song on shrooms, or something. I’ll just say that the highlight was almost getting my face eaten off by a dog, and by that I mean a damned Doberman. Enough of my bitching, mea culpa, let’s get to the important business of vampires and faeries and vampirefaeries and shit.