“Lots of horrible shit gets done in this world for something larger than ourselves.” – The Hound
JIM: Let’s begin in Mereen, shall we? It must be said that Tyrion, Greyworm and Miss Andi debating the nature of comedy is a spectacular moment of, well, comedy. Their moment of shaky levity is shattered when the slavers begin an all-out assault on the city. I guess they were none-too-happy with Tyrion’s seven year plan. This all takes place after Varys hightails it outta there to go on some mysterious trip. Did he mention in earlier episodes where he was going? His exit seemed oddly-timed, no?
But the big news of this particular plot thread was Dany’s Lois Lane-like reappearance through the balcony after being dropped off by Superman/Drogon. So, the Khaleesi is back but how far behind is her khalasar? When they arrive, will they even be effective against a ship-borne attack? Is it up to the dragons to stop them? Is this where the Iron Islanders arrive and get into Dany’s good graces by vanquishing the slavers? Will Yara then hope to get into Dany’s pants? Do they need the slaver’s ships to conquer Westeros? How do they defeat them without destroying those ships? I have SO MANY QUESTIONS!
Annnnnnnd I’m spent.
Now it’s really gonna piss me off when someone doesn’t thank me for holding the door open for them. But before we get to that…
JIM: For perhaps the first time on this show, Littlefinger seemed at a loss for words. Why? Perhaps he wasn’t prepared to meet such a forceful Sansa. Perhaps he was scared Brienne would actually kill him. Perhaps he realized just what a shit he was to put Sansa in the Ramsay position in the first place.
A couple interesting plot takeaways from this scene, however. Littlefinger did manage to remind Sansa that Jon Snow is ONLY a half-brother, the implication being he’s not fully trustworthy as an ally. He also gave an update on your favorite, the Blackfish. Seems Uncle Brynden has re-taken Riverrun from those Frey creeps and is in a position to possibly help re-take Winterfell.
Tormund continues his courtship of Brienne by making creepy smiley faces at her and it occurs to me that they might be the best-matched characters in the whole Game of Thrones universe… aside from maybe Bran & Hodor. Sigh.
Oh yeah, questions—did Littlefinger really think it would be easy to waltz right back into Sansa’s life or do you think he never expected her to survive in the first place? Will you hug the screen when the Blackfish appears? Is Sansa to eventually give in and utilize the knights of the Vale?
JIM: My little birds told me that you wanted to open this week’s questioning with Varys, Tyrion, and the Worst Cards Against Humanity Team Ever — Grey Worm and Miss Andi. While Tyrion drinks wine and confuses them with his attempts at conversation, Varys elicits information from the prostitute who specializes in the Unhappy Ending and learns that the backers of the Sons of the Harpy are all the masters Dany has pissed off on her way to Mereen.
Speaking of the Khaleesi, if she owned a FitBit she’d have logged a billion steps by now. Anyway, the Mother of Dragons seems poised to become a harpy herself if she is forced to live the rest of her life with the other Khal-widows. She must endure a trial to decide her fate, which considering it’s being held by the Dothraki will surely be a reasonable and measured affair. Have we visited Vaes Dothrak on the show before? I feel like we haven’t but knew you’d know for sure what with your slavish devotion to Westerosi topographical matters. What is Tyrion’s next move now that they know exactly who is to blame for the Sons of the Harpy?
It’s a new Game of Thrones season with your same old (and I do mean old) recappers. Prince is dead, Trump is very much alive, and whomever cut that Ghostbusters trailer managed to make some of the funniest women in the world appear middling at best. Let’s go to Westeros – a world where things make sense. Sort of.
JIM: We’ll kick things off with everybody’s favorite cuddle monster: Ramsay Bolton. In the wake of his less-than-impressive victory over a hobbled Stannis Baratheon, he takes a quiet moment to reflect on his deceased soulmate, Miranda. He ends his heartfelt eulogy with the pragmatic move of feeding her to the dogs since she’s as much a piece of meat to him as is anyone else, including, I fear, his future step-brother. His hounds are hot on the trail of Theon and Sansa, apparently uninjured from last season’s leap from the parapets. When it seems they are cornered, Brienne and Pod literally ride to their rescue. The tide has turned for Brienne of Tarth as she has avenged her beloved Renly and fulfilled her promise to Catelyn in back-to-back episodes. My questions to you – has Theon paid his debts in full to the Stark family? Did you feel, as I did, that Sansa took a step back in this episode by forgetting to flee when Theon tried to run interference and sitting on her ass while everyone fought for their lives around her? Was her courage rinsed away with her black hair dye last season? Am I being too tough on Lady Sansa by expecting her to become Bad Bitch Sansa?
I was once voted Most Likely to Be A Pleasant, Morbidly Obese Man in His 40’s.
Santa Claus and Kevin James were tough competition, but I’m no quitter. I went the extra mile and earned the Worst Mid-Life Superlative Ever by actually having a heart attack.