Well, damn. I step away for one measly week and they bring out the dragon and the Dothraki. I mean, really, how could they top that action this week now that I’m back? Well, they couldn’t, but who needs action when you’ve got stupid Gilly inadvertently opening up a ginormous can of worms?? Let’s get to it.
JIM: We pick up right where we left off last week, or at least a couple hundred yards downriver from last week, as Bronn and Jaime resurface, unburnt. Ooh, are they both secret Targaryens too? Listen to me, cunt, they are not. What? Bronn said it first. Anyway, Bronn informs Jaime he’s audi when the dragons attack King’s Landing, while Jaime dreadfully contemplates his duty to inform Cersei about what went down. The look on Jaime’s face when he said “That was only one of them. She has two more” was outstanding. Meanwhile, Tyrion warily surveys the absolute carnage from the battle site while Dany demands some old-fashioned knee bending from what remains of the Lannister troops. While most comply, mean-muggin’ Randyll Tarly and his normally flaccid son Dickon offer stiff resistance. Not having any of Dickon’s sudden hardness, Dany orders a Tarly flambe and knocks Father of the Year and his Dickon in the dirt.Continue reading →
Well, that escalated quickly… so let’s get right to it.
JIM: We kick things off this week with Khaleesi and her coterie of castoffs. While studying the Westerosi version of Stratego, she turns on Varys and questions his loyalty. Seems like a conversation they could’ve (should’ve) had before now but Dany seems satisfied with the eunuch’s answers, which leads them to agree “the people” are the most important consideration in her quest for the Iron Throne. Melisandre has made her way back to Dragonstone to offer her shadow baby services and whatnot while Khaleesi also explains her attack plan to the rest of her allies – Yara & Theon, Ellaria Sand, and the always prickly Queen of Thorns. They all seem annoyed that she isn’t just attacking King’s Landing with her dragons and getting it over with already until Tyrion mentions that the Unsullied will attack and topple his home turf of Casterly Rock. All of a sudden they’re all on board, save for Olenna Tyrell who implores her to be a dragon already, bish. Before we get to the shocking ending of this episode, did you agree with Dany & Tyrion’s slow & steady plan to not make her the Queen of the Ashes? Where do you think her questioning of Varys came from all of a sudden? What about this sudden revelation of Melisandre’s translation snafu that the prince that was promised could also mean princess – words matter, people! And does Grey Worm and Miss Andi’s love feast mean that one of them is gonna die cuz no one gets to be happy on this show?
Side note – Miss Andi and her…uh, translation skills…went a long way toward making me get over the loss of Queen Margaery. Episode MVP – Miss Andi!
“Lots of horrible shit gets done in this world for something larger than ourselves.” – The Hound
JIM: Let’s begin in Mereen, shall we? It must be said that Tyrion, Greyworm and Miss Andi debating the nature of comedy is a spectacular moment of, well, comedy. Their moment of shaky levity is shattered when the slavers begin an all-out assault on the city. I guess they were none-too-happy with Tyrion’s seven year plan. This all takes place after Varys hightails it outta there to go on some mysterious trip. Did he mention in earlier episodes where he was going? His exit seemed oddly-timed, no?
But the big news of this particular plot thread was Dany’s Lois Lane-like reappearance through the balcony after being dropped off by Superman/Drogon. So, the Khaleesi is back but how far behind is her khalasar? When they arrive, will they even be effective against a ship-borne attack? Is it up to the dragons to stop them? Is this where the Iron Islanders arrive and get into Dany’s good graces by vanquishing the slavers? Will Yara then hope to get into Dany’s pants? Do they need the slaver’s ships to conquer Westeros? How do they defeat them without destroying those ships? I have SO MANY QUESTIONS!
Now it’s really gonna piss me off when someone doesn’t thank me for holding the door open for them. But before we get to that…
JIM: For perhaps the first time on this show, Littlefinger seemed at a loss for words. Why? Perhaps he wasn’t prepared to meet such a forceful Sansa. Perhaps he was scared Brienne would actually kill him. Perhaps he realized just what a shit he was to put Sansa in the Ramsay position in the first place.
A couple interesting plot takeaways from this scene, however. Littlefinger did manage to remind Sansa that Jon Snow is ONLY a half-brother, the implication being he’s not fully trustworthy as an ally. He also gave an update on your favorite, the Blackfish. Seems Uncle Brynden has re-taken Riverrun from those Frey creeps and is in a position to possibly help re-take Winterfell.
Tormund continues his courtship of Brienne by making creepy smiley faces at her and it occurs to me that they might be the best-matched characters in the whole Game of Thrones universe… aside from maybe Bran & Hodor. Sigh.
Oh yeah, questions—did Littlefinger really think it would be easy to waltz right back into Sansa’s life or do you think he never expected her to survive in the first place? Will you hug the screen when the Blackfish appears? Is Sansa to eventually give in and utilize the knights of the Vale?
JIM: My little birds told me that you wanted to open this week’s questioning with Varys, Tyrion, and the Worst Cards Against Humanity Team Ever — Grey Worm and Miss Andi. While Tyrion drinks wine and confuses them with his attempts at conversation, Varys elicits information from the prostitute who specializes in the Unhappy Ending and learns that the backers of the Sons of the Harpy are all the masters Dany has pissed off on her way to Mereen.
Speaking of the Khaleesi, if she owned a FitBit she’d have logged a billion steps by now. Anyway, the Mother of Dragons seems poised to become a harpy herself if she is forced to live the rest of her life with the other Khal-widows. She must endure a trial to decide her fate, which considering it’s being held by the Dothraki will surely be a reasonable and measured affair. Have we visited Vaes Dothrak on the show before? I feel like we haven’t but knew you’d know for sure what with your slavish devotion to Westerosi topographical matters. What is Tyrion’s next move now that they know exactly who is to blame for the Sons of the Harpy?
It’s a new Game of Thrones season with your same old (and I do mean old) recappers. Prince is dead, Trump is very much alive, and whomever cut that Ghostbusters trailer managed to make some of the funniest women in the world appear middling at best. Let’s go to Westeros – a world where things make sense. Sort of.
JIM: We’ll kick things off with everybody’s favorite cuddle monster: Ramsay Bolton. In the wake of his less-than-impressive victory over a hobbled Stannis Baratheon, he takes a quiet moment to reflect on his deceased soulmate, Miranda. He ends his heartfelt eulogy with the pragmatic move of feeding her to the dogs since she’s as much a piece of meat to him as is anyone else, including, I fear, his future step-brother. His hounds are hot on the trail of Theon and Sansa, apparently uninjured from last season’s leap from the parapets. When it seems they are cornered, Brienne and Pod literally ride to their rescue. The tide has turned for Brienne of Tarth as she has avenged her beloved Renly and fulfilled her promise to Catelyn in back-to-back episodes. My questions to you – has Theon paid his debts in full to the Stark family? Did you feel, as I did, that Sansa took a step back in this episode by forgetting to flee when Theon tried to run interference and sitting on her ass while everyone fought for their lives around her? Was her courage rinsed away with her black hair dye last season? Am I being too tough on Lady Sansa by expecting her to become Bad Bitch Sansa?