Game of Thrones Recap Spectacular! – The Queen’s Justice

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Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 3

Attention, peoples. There are now only 10 episodes left in this series.

shocked dogWith the enormity of this looming over us all, we here at your weekly Game of Thrones recap site (namely, Jim and I) are excited to welcome back our writing partner and a co-founder of this blog to give us her insights on this week’s episode. That’s right, Lacey is back to join us, thereby reuniting the best and geekiest trio since Season 6 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer! (And let’s face it, we’re probably better than those guys too… especially Warren. Ugh… Warren. Fuck you, Warren.)

[Note from Lacey: They reunited too! Must be something in the air.]

Okay, enough intro, let’s get to gettin’ at it!

Es: Speaking of getting right into it, this week’s episode doesn’t tiptoe around shit and dives headlong in to what (I would think) most of us have been waiting years, if not decades, to see: Jon and Davos arrive on Dragonstone!

Jon and Tyrion going back and forth here is everything, and FINALLY after weeks of Tyrion not really getting a chance to shine, he does so in this episode… even if he is proving himself to not exactly be the best military commander, as the playing field between Team Dany and Team Cersei has been GREATLY leveled in the past two weeks (but more on that later).

Anyway, the point I’m making here is that Tyrion is supposed to be one of the smartest people like evur, but it seems like he’s getting outsmarted a LOT lately. And so I put the first question forth to our panel… what up with that? Do you think he’s going to have a moment of (smarts-fueled) redemption soon?

The dude STILL brings it with his dialog, though. His conversation with Jon about brooding was magnificent, and the exchange with Dany eventually asking him, “Are you trying to pass off things you’ve said as ancient wisdom??” left me howling.

The long awaited meeting of ice and fire, wolf and dragon, no titles and ALL THE TITLES has come… and while it was exciting for me to see these two together FINALLY… it wasn’t like fireworks and explosions, but there certainly was a lot of goodness sprinkled about the place.

This is Jon Snow….. <pause>…. he’s King in the North.

So, my friends (and I use that term quite loosely with you, James)… your thoughts on this? What feels did it provoke? Did this play out as you wanted it to and/or how it needed to with Dany eventually letting Jon mine the dragonglass? Do you think that they’ll eventually try to play some (creepy) chemistry out between Dany and Jon (because there was NONE here from what I could tell with auntie and her nephew… thankfully imho)?

Also, some of this was like…. okay, I see what you’re doing here….

Jon telling Tyrion he’s not a Stark and then Drogon sweeping down over them… um, yeah. We get it. He’s a Targaryen. Also, Dany telling him that she’s “the last Targaryen.” Um, no lady, you’re not.

Was this a nice nod to you both or do you feel like this was handled by Fists of Ham™? Also, did you find Jon talking about the Army of the Deadz coming for them all while set against a beautiful green backdrop make it seem a lot less believable than when he’s surrounded by snow? I could almost see why Dany, Tyrion, et al didn’t believe him.

JIM: As Tyrion and Dany were having their asses whupped this weekend, I actually LOL’d because a thought crossed my mind that would make me happy and make you furious. What if Dany decides that her forces have been too depleted and she needs another military mind to counsel her on her next move? Where would she turn for help with such things?

Thats right… Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiooooooo Naharis and the Second Sons!!! [Es: Not. A. Chance!!!!!!]

I think the initial Jon & Dany meeting went exactly as we should have expected, after all fire and ice don’t mix so well, even if Snow is actually fire. Dany is smelling herself an awful lot since they’ve arrived in Westeros, and I know her pattern on the show has been like every 7 episodes or so to make a grand statement and assert herself, but the way she’s acted so far has me wondering — what if she inherited some of the Mad King’s madness? And what if being back in Dragonstone is bringing it out of her? In the past it seemed like she insisted on subservience from those who were sadistic rulers, but her being so insistent with Jon Snow seems… off. Maybe that’s just a symptom of what we as the audience are privy to that the characters are not, but she’s picking a fight where none need be picked.

Tyrion, as always, is great and I particularly enjoyed his back & forth with Davos over the Battle of the Blackwater and his comments on brooding to Jon. I wish Tyrion would just win everything at the end of all this and become the King of Tits & Wine.

The dragon swoop was a bit obvious but I don’t know if that’s because we are so deep into the backstory as book readers…I wonder how it played to the casual fan out there. Also, I wonder if the dragon swooped cuz it could sense Jon was a Targaryen, and therefore one of their own?

As for whether they should believe him, I find it insanely bizarre that people who have seen dragons and know that Khaleesi has emerged unburnt from a raging inferno – TWICE – won’t believe that something like the White Walkers exist. Does fire have blind spot when it comes to ice?

LACEY: Firstly, it’s good to be back, although, I may be a bit rusty at this witty repartee shit. Can I perhaps interest you in a solid, mid-level wine or some local, organic foodstuffs? Whatevs, best to blow the cobwebs off, right?

So, the meeting of ice and fire (that’s something like a song I’ve heard of at some point in the past or, mayhaps, future), it was a thing that happened. Which is basically what I’ve got other than, *come on* Dany, you’re new here, right? Jon Snow has presumably learned something since going undercover with the Wildlings, becoming Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and being named the King in the North. Ser Davos Seaworth is the Onion Knight, a wily, yet honest, sea captain. Tyrion is the genius dwarf son of one of the great houses of Westeros. These are the three best “started from the bottom now we here” stories since Drake himself. It’s time to climb on down off your high dragon and listen to a motherfucker, because “I’ve got dragons!” is about to be your “I’m with her”, although, Jon may be Hilary Clinton in this scenario, as he’s the most qualified, but will get passed over for someone just because he wasn’t born the right way. [Es: Annnnnnnd Lacey is back]

Also, sorry Es, but auntie/nephew stuff is bound to happen. This is Westeros, there is basically no sex that isn’t confusing and uncomfortable.

Tyrion is bae, since Robb Stark died, so any time he gets to shine is A-OK with me.

Twitter had so many genius animated gif takes on Dany’s “I am the last Targaryen” statement that I went full white girl and literally can’t even pick just one. We all know this isn’t true. Jon aside, lots of folks believe that Tyrion is the third dragon rider, and that he and Dany may be brother and sister. Fan theory time: Tyrion’s mom was raped by, or had an affair with, the Mad King. Tyrion was the result of this union, and it’s the other reason that his dad hated him so much. Was it slightly ham-fisted? Yes. Did I appreciate it anyway? Also yes.

As for folks not believing Jon & Davos about the Night King and the Army of the Dead. I get it, that’s literally the last thing you want to believe. “An unkillable army of the dead is coming for you, led by a magic dude who can reanimate corpses so that they’ll do his bidding.” It’s so horrific that you don’t want it to have any basis in reality… it’s a you’ll have to see it to really believe it, but then it’s too late kind of thing. Even before people saw Dany’s dragons, if you hear that there were dragons born into the world for the first time in centuries, at least part of you is going to be like, “OOooh neat!” I mean, unless you’ve seen the Matthew McConaughey/Christian Bale/Gerard Butler classic Reign of Fire in which the dragons basically cause the apocalypse. [Es: Classic??]

danyEs: A quick aside scene with Melisandre and Varys, but I thought definitely interesting enough to mention here. First Varys telling her, “To the left, to the left… all the shit you own is in a box to the left” and basically boots her Red-God-worshiping ass out of Westeros. Then her saying that she has brought ice and fire together… and me sitting at home going “Oh GAWD” to that statement. But she tells him she has to return one more time, because she needs to die in this strange country, as does he. Is she just fucking with him here, or do you think she’s seen his death? Do you think we’ll see his death? Do you think she means that when she returns Varys is toast?

JIM: I don’t know if it means when she returns, but Varys is definitely done for and I think we’re gonna see it. It’s not like people normally proclaim prophecies like “you will die….eventually…probably of old age, it’s tough to say.”

Also, I am stealing Melisandre’s line as my new triumphant proclamation when consummating my next sexual conquest – “I have brought Ice and Fire together!”

It’s not weird to say that to your own hand is it?

LACEY: Jim, it is, but you do you, boo boo.

I do think Varys is going to meet the pointy end of someone’s sword sooner or later. You go around sowing discontent and playing every side, you’re eventually gonna get got. Even if Melisandre’s prophecies aren’t always exactly detail-oriented, they have generally gotten the big picture, so I’ll give her this one, if only because I could read those context clues and I have no personal relationship with the Lord of Light.

addtext_com_MjEyNDQwMTUzOTYyEs: Let’s next go to King’s Landing… Euron has decided to come to town and chew up ALL THE SCENERY there, parading his Dornish prisoners and his niece through the streets as they get pelted with shit. This scene was actually a bit tough for me to watch. Am I the only one here? [Jim: Mugatu from Zoolander Note – Shit pelting is so hot right now.]

He then gives ZERO fucks and rides his horse right into the throne room, and presents his gifts to his queen. The look on Cersei’s face is amazeballs when this happens. And really, Lena Headey is generally excellent, but her acting job in this episode in particular was award worthy. Just the looks on her face… and couple that with her whole performance in the dungeon with Ellaria Sand and Sand Snake #3…. one moment you think she’s an utterly condescending asshole, then she starts asking Ellaria why she would take her daughter from her, and, I don’t know about everyone else, but I almost got misty eyed when this happened. I REALLY felt bad for her. Then girlfriend turns around and gets into some next-level SADISTIC shit with poisoning SS#3 and telling Ellaria that she gets to helplessly watch her die and her bones turn to dust. COLD. BLOOOOOODED. But then part of me also felt like what she did to Ellaria was warranted in some way. Then I started questioning my sense of right and wrong, and wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.

Thanks, Game of Thrones.

So, do you think that Cersei went too far here, or maybe… even… not far enough? Is that possible? What do you think is going to happen to my girl Yara (I shudder to think)? Do you buy Cersei’s promise to King Scenery Chewer that they will get married after the war is won? Also, is there a better way to revel in unleashing some harrowing retribution on your enemies than with some celebratory twincest that even Jaime didn’t seem into at first?

JIM: The last person to ride his horse into the throne room was Cersei’s father, Tywin, so does this mean Euron is gonna be her Daddy? Doubtful…I don’t buy for a second that she plans on giving Euron anything after the war is over.

To be fair, I had a hard time concentrating after Cersei kissed the Sand Snake, but that’s just my own thing and I’m working through it. Ellaria got what was coming to her, and Cersei is so good at the retribution torture scenario it’ll be a shame, shame, shame if she ever gets her mitts on the littlest Lannister, Tyrion.

I’ll be honest, I’m very much enjoying Euron and his wrestling heel antics. He’s so over the top and all up in Jaime’s grill I can’t help but like him. Plus, his naked aggression coupled with Cersei’s cunning is a sight to behold so far.

The way Cersei attacked Jaime after that torture scene can only mean one thing – Cersei had a murder boner! Also, sidenote – did you notice the woman who came to Cersei’s bedroom door had a similar short haircut? Did her people cut their hair in solidarity with their Queen, or is she inspiring some pixie-cut fashion trend in Westeros?

LACEY: Euron might as well go back outside, gather up the shit in the street, put it between two pieces of bread and make a shit sandwich, because that’s all he’s getting from Cersei. Homegirl is next-level playing him, and if he wasn’t crazy AF and too busy contacting Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20 and Jareth the Goblin King for style advice, he’d be able to see it. I do have to give him props for his ability to mess with Jaime though, asking a dude if is sister likes a finger up the bum in a place where he can do nothing about it is a special kind of dick move, and I’m here for it.

If the stuff with Ellaria and Sand Snake #22 proves anything, it’s that if you come at Cersei, you best take her down, because if she gets the chance to take revenge, she is going to do you 10 times better than you did her. Cersei doesn’t play. I will never feel bad for her losing any of her weird incest babies, but if I were going to, Myrcella might have been the one.

Yara, poor Yara, I’m still hopeful that she’ll be able to rise above this like a wonderful, sexually ambiguous iron phoenix.

Also, Jim, there’s a theory out there that Pixie Cut either is Arya, who was too freaked by seeing Jaime all naked in bed to do her own queen killing, or that she will use Pixie Cut to get to Cersei eventually. These are both things I could buy, because while Arya is a jaded little murderer, she has not seen much of the ways of the flesh.

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Now that I’ve adequately chewed up ALL THE SCENERY in this town, I bid you adieu… and I will now magically appear on the other side of the continent, because why not?

Es: Ser Bad Decision stumbles into some luck…or mayhaps he finally made a GOOD decision by going to The Citadel for healing? (Probably not, though, because if Sam wasn’t there, he would have killed himself in his cell.)

Again, this gets not-insignificant time allocated to it, so what’s going on here? Why do you see this as being important…. OR is it not really important at all other than SBD is healed and heading back to his queen?

Also, if you have any thoughts about Theon getting hauled aboard a motherfucking boat and then immediately getting labeled as a coward, I would be interested in those as well. What do you think is next for him? Do you see any way he gets any sort of redemption here? If he’s still alive, it would make you think he plays a part… but what part could that be?

JIM: I am an unapologetic Jorah Mormont fan, so I’m happy to see that old sad sack back on track. That being said – the “cure” left a little something to be desired from a dramatic perspective and was one step up from the “put some Windex on it” treatment from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I think the time allocated served two purposes – to give us a look around the Citadel while keeping Sam involved in the storyline, and to send Jorah back to his Khaleesi, who I just feel is going to end up sacrificing his life for hers… that seems to be his destiny.

They’ve beaten Theon down so much the past few seasons on this show that I think the only way the character gets any redemption at all is to kill his Uncle and save Yara. I can’t imagine a scenario in which that happens though, so your guess is as good as mine.

LACEY: So, the amount of time spent on healing the greyscale leads me to believe there’s something here too. Here’s what I think it may be… so greyscale comes from Old Valyria, much like Targaryens, dragonglass, and dragons themselves. Two of these three things can kill White Walkers. What if surviving greyscale proves as some sort of inoculation against white walkerism? It’s just a theory.

Oh, Theon, Jim’s right, the only way he redeems himself is by going BIG. He’s gotta kill Euron, save Yara and restore her to her rightful place as Lord of the Iron Islands. Anything less would just be too sad. Although, I once heard that life is just a series of down notes, so maybe Theon’s life will just be one big down note.

Missing TheonEs: At Winterfell Sansa is actually settling in very nicely to being HBIC, and then has a chat with Littlefinger, who drops another one of his epic speeches on her. Personally, I think this was his best one yet, because it actually gives you a stark look (no pun intended) into the way his brain operates. Your thoughts on the speech? Am I loving on it too much?

After that we’re told there’s someone at the gate and I’m wondering if it’s Bran or Arya, before realizing that Bran showed up in both the “Previously on Game of Thrones” jawn and the actor’s name was in the opening credits, whereas Arya was a no show in both.

Bran greets his sister with all the excitement of a sloth on methadone, and then starts acting like that teenage brother who just got home from college and is spending WAY too much time in his room burning incense, listening to Pink Floyd’s Ummagumma on repeat, and watching an inordinate amount of SpongeBob. I get that he’s all-knowing and shit now, but dude just seemed high as could be to me. (Though I’m thinking this may say more about me than anything else. Moving on….)

Your thoughts about the reunion? Was it about what you expected or did you want to see a bit more? What the fuck is up with Bran being all like, “I’m the three-eyed raven. Don’t believe me? Watch… I’ll tell you all about that beautiful night were you looked beautiful and then got raped.”

Um, seriously dude…. what. the. actual. FUCK!?!?

JIM: That’s exactly why I don’t watch the “Previously On…” segment and don’t read the actors names, so I was genuinely surprised that it was Bran instead of Arya at the gate. I don’t know what happened between the wall and Winterfell, but I think Bran was sporting a My Chemical Romance tattoo when he went all Debbie Downer on Sansa.

It’s weird, cuz, as fans, we’re all expecting these wonderful tearful reunions but think about all of the tragic shit each of these characters has been through and the amount of time that has transpired. They were so young when they all last saw each other that I think the show does a good job of writing that awkwardness into it. That being said, Bran went waaaay dark when using “beautiful” and “rape” in the same sentence. Damn, dude.

The Littlefinger speech was brilliant and illustrates why he can be an amazing ally…right up until his isn’t. I think we’re all expecting that Good, such as it is on this show, is going to triumph in the end, but if it does, it’s gonna need to embrace some shady shit along the way, and there aren’t many people shadier than Littlefinger.

On the other hand, he could just be the Steve Bannon of Westeros, sucking his own cock and trying to build his own brand off of Sansa.

Too soon?

LACEY: It will never be too soon to riff on the Mooch, you know why? Because if you only have a hugely high-profile job for 10 days, you didn’t have your job long enough to even reach too soon. I worked at the Gap for longer than he was White House Communications Director for Pete’s sake.

Littlefinger, while that speech was amazeballs and totally ties in to Bran’s return, please try to remember that it’s not all Carcetti and roses… you don’t always get to be governor of Maryland by betraying your political allies and never losing face. What I’m basically saying is, if you betray Sansa, and therefore the North, I will kill you myself.

So, Bran has returned, acting like he’s been macro-dosing on mushrooms for the better part of a decade, talking about how he can see everything all at once (Hello, Littlefinger’s speech.). It’s like Meera rolled back into Winterfell with the baby of the goth dude from The IT Crowd and that girl you know who started burning a lot of sage and talking about her spirituality and intuition and manifesting your life. Regardless, there have got to be plenty of better ways to prove to your big sister that you’re an all-knowing being now than bringing up that time she was forced to marry a monster and be repeatedly raped by him. It’s just not cool, dude.

h1094BD87Es: Finally this week we FLY through a couple battles that previous seasons would have spent an episode on. Casterly Rock falls WAY too easily to the Unsullied, and then we realize it was all a setup because Euron Greyjoy can apparently be wherever the fuck he wants to be, whenever the fuck he wants to be… and attack with no warning and with everyone caught completely unawares.

We at least get to see a little of “The Rock”, though, but… if you know me… I wanted a full-blown, opening credits map call out of that shit….or even fucking Highgarden, which fell after just seeing the Lannister army show up with Jaime, Worst Father Evur Randyll Tarly, and Bronn (side note: BRONN!) leading them. Is that all it takes? Show up with those three and game over?

Anyway, this is followed by what I thought to be a great shot of Jaime marching through Highgarden to go see the Queen of Thorns, and, even though she knows she’s doomed, she still gets in QUITE a few barbs. (See what I did there? har har har)

I chortled… yes, I do chortle from time to time… when she dropped the line about Joff, “He really was a cunt, wasn’t he?” and then Jaime… the kid’s dad… doesn’t even argue.

She then goes on after chugging the shit out of deadly poison about how SHE was the one who poisoned Joff, and even though she was on the losing end of this and her family is now gone, she certainly got the last win here. Fan-tastic. (And really, Diana Rigg… BRAVA!!! You will be missed!)

I’ll leave this open ended…. your thoughts?? Also, is it a waste of Bronn to have him show up and not say a flippin’ word??

JIM: I’m not surprised Highgarden went so seemingly easily, cuz Olenna herself said they weren’t much good at the whole military thing. Amazingly written & acted scene between the Queen of Thorns and Jaime. I always enjoy Jaime’s arms-length bemusement around his enemies but she said some things that clearly annoyed him and I honestly thought he might lop her head off – which double-fisted Jaime Lannister would’ve done in a heartbeat.

I remember few short weeks ago being slightly worried this season might be a little too obvious with how much the deck was stacked against Cersei. I mean how could she defeat all those enemies with Randyll Fucking Tarly and Rowdy Euron Piper and two weeks later the tables have not only turned, they’ve flipped and spun and danced a jig. Kudos to the storytelling, and I am so curious how different or similar Martin’s books will turn out to be.

LACEY: All hail Lady Olenna Tyrell, Queen of Thorns, and Shade. She was the savage queen this show needed, but did not deserve. She shall be missed forever and always. She, the best at not giving a fuck about your feelings, long may she cast glorious side-eye from on high.

Although, now that Jaime knows that Olenna killed Joffery, not Tyrion as Cersei has long asserted, how will it impact the topsy turvy world of Lannister sibling alliances? Will Jaime turn on Cersei? Will he embrace his brother’s cause? It does open up some possibilities, does it not?

I kind of love that this is how they’re playing things. Making Cersei too confident will make her even worse, and she is the worst, which will make her comeuppance all the more sweet.

h0F6D281FAnd on that note, consider this very long episode of Game of Thrones recapped. As always, thanks for reading! And now that Lacey got the song stuck in my head, Drake, why don’t you play us out via some Broad City (just because this shit makes me laugh)?

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6 thoughts on “Game of Thrones Recap Spectacular! – The Queen’s Justice

  1. I wonder if Jaime ever wishes he’d lost his dick instead of his sword hand? I’ll never forget how easily he flat-out murdered poor Jory in season one and then just toyed with Ned.

    Now, he has to put up with C-listers like Euron Greyjoy and Randyll Tarly flinging their verbal poo at him but he handles nobly. Yeah Lady Olena cut him deeply… thing about Jaime is, he knows Joffrey was a cunt and probably blames himself for that too.

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