Game of Thrones Recap Spectacular! – Eastwatch

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Well, damn. I step away for one measly week and they bring out the dragon and the Dothraki. I mean, really, how could they top that action this week now that I’m back? Well, they couldn’t, but who needs action when you’ve got stupid Gilly inadvertently opening up a ginormous can of worms?? Let’s get to it.

JIM: We pick up right where we left off last week, or at least a couple hundred yards downriver from last week, as Bronn and Jaime resurface, unburnt. Ooh, are they both secret Targaryens too? Listen to me, cunt, they are not. What? Bronn said it first. Anyway, Bronn informs Jaime he’s audi when the dragons attack King’s Landing, while Jaime dreadfully contemplates his duty to inform Cersei about what went down. The look on Jaime’s face when he said “That was only one of them. She has two more” was outstanding. Meanwhile, Tyrion warily surveys the absolute carnage from the battle site while Dany demands some old-fashioned knee bending from what remains of the Lannister troops. While most comply, mean-muggin’ Randyll Tarly and his normally flaccid son Dickon offer stiff resistance. Not having any of Dickon’s sudden hardness, Dany orders a Tarly flambe and knocks Father of the Year and his Dickon in the dirt.

Aaaannnnnnd I’m spent.

Dany’s decision to roast the Tarlys leads to a concerned discussion between Tyrion and Varys, which I think touches on an interesting aspect of the Dragon Queen — is it possible she inherited some of her father’s madness? Is that possibility shaking their faith in their Queen? I found it interesting that Tyrion did not enjoy the prospect of killing off a noble house with history so he seems to have one foot planted in the old world and one in the new. Can he survive without fully committing to one or the other?

ES: First off, a big welcome back from your fancy events, James, as I have certainly missed the expert level fance you bring to the proceedings. It seems that your time away has reignited your love of the abundant double entendre, and while I say get all of that in now because we won’t see Dickon no more, I also don’t want you to hurt yourself. Dios mio, that was…………. something.

Moving on… so, I hate to be THAT creep (well, I hate to be THAT creep most of the time), but can you tell me how both Bronn and Jaime ended up THAT far down river?? As much as I’m willing to suspend my disbelief about dragons and ice zombies and resurrection from the deadz, I refuse to believe that a man wearing relatively heavy armor, AND who has a solid gold hand, floated THAT far away, let alone didn’t just sink to the bottom of the river and die. Or are you trying to tell me that the laws of physics cease to exist in Westeros??

And how long were they under water? It seemed like the battle was good and ended by the time they reemerged. Though, really, this should be no big thing, as time seems to pass at its own strange speed this season on the show.

Okay, okay… I really am done now. Apologies, but sometimes you just need to go off…. about nothing…. to feel important…. because your life is a series of staggering disappointments….

ANNNNYWAY… so I think they did a good job of setting up Tyrion’s conflict last week when he was watching the battle with the Dothraki. You could tell he was struggling with it, and as he walked through the carnage, it certainly seemed like he was struggling with it even more… not to mention when Dany and her boy fricasseed the Tarlys.

My question here is that Worst Father Evur nodded to Dickon when Dany and Tyrion were telling him to kneel. Was he trying to save his son here, or did he want him to follow in his footsteps in order to do what was “right”?

As to the Mad King comparison… this certainly played out even more during what I thought was an interesting scene with Tyrion and Varys, and their discussing of how Varys used to justify the horror he brought on people, i.e., handing people over so the Mad King could burn them alive.

While I certainly see Dany having a certain Targaryen ruthlessness that is alluded to, I also think the Mad King comparison with her is more to show that Tyrion and Varys are still new to Dany, and so they are STILL trying to get a handle on her and are almost waiting for her to careen over the edge of getting fire happy. It also speaks to Varys character in the whole “looking out for the people of the realm” bit he went off on a few episodes ago.

And it does the same as Tryion as well, because he seems adverse to violence and killing in general. I was reminded of this when I rewatched last season before this season premiered. The scene where Grey Worm takes out the two masters after the Battle of Mereen (to impress his crush)… Tyrion subtly looks away because he knows what’s coming. And these are people that he doesn’t even know or have ANY connection to (other than the fact that the one guy once owned him for a couple weeks).

That said, I don’t think Dany is her father’s daughter in that sense. And really, what choice did she have here after telling everyone they have to bend the knee or die? Also, Dany should just do Dany, as things have really been going girlfriend’s way as soon as she stopped listening to people and started doing her own thing (and only started listing some of her titles… did anyone else notice that? I wonder if she dropped off the Essos-centric ones. Hmm…)

LACEY: Firstly, welcome back, James. ‘Tis truly sad that you missed Dickon’s big adventure last week, and all the possible word play that it might have afforded you. Dickon? I hardly knew him. And, Es, I think Randyll was, for once, being a kind of okay dad, but only to Dickon. Because guess who might get to be Lord Tarly now that he’s not a Maester or Nightswatchman, Randyll’s other son. The one he *hates*, Samwell motherfucking Tarly.

I don’t think Dany is going off the rails quite yet, but I think Tyrion & Varys have seen too much of shitty rulers now to go back and pretend. So, they’re looking at the situation pragmatically, and understand that if homegirl does lose it, they might have to make some tough choices. For what it’s worth, I don’t think old man Tarly gave her a whole lot of choice in the matter.

Tyrion is a lover, not a fighter, it is known. He also is a master diplomat, so he’s more of a walk softly, but carry a big stick kind of guy. Finally, he understands the history and customs of Westeros completely, and you go around burning the men of great houses to a crisp, folk are going to start taking umbrage.

Finally, to quote Leslie Jones, and myself, Bronn is the gangsta. There’s not much he can’t do. By the time this is all over, he might be sitting on the Iron Throne.

Bronn

JIM: Speaking of Tyrion, he and the rest of Dany’s ragtag bunch hatch a hair-brained scheme to kidnap a White Walker and sneak Tyrion into King’s Landing to talk to Jaime, all in an effort to get Cersei to agree to an armistice while the Dead are dealt with. This season, the travel time on this show has gotten to Heroes-level ridiculousness, but I’m willing to let it go cuz there are only so many episodes left. Anyway, Davos and Tyrion arrive in King’s Landing approximately 14 minutes later and Davos is all like, “check ya later,” and heads to Flea Bottom, leaving THE Most Wanted Dwarf in all of The Seven Kingdoms on his own. But not before Davos drops a “last time I was here you killed my son with wildfire” burn.

Quick aside: twice in this episode Davos mentioned how little use he is in a fight. Do you suppose he really is useless or is it some false-modesty and it’s gonna pay off when he winds up kicking some ass down the road?

So Tyrion managed to contact Bronn and set up a secret meeting with Jaime in the dragon mausoleum – ahem, why didn’t anyone look for them when they didn’t resurface during the battle? And more importantly, how did Tyrion know they were even alive so he could meet with them? #plotholes

We’ll have to leave that aside, cuz right now it’s Hammer Time! Who’s hammer? Gendry’s hammer. Davos greeted the long-missing bastard son of Robert Baratheon with “Wasn’t sure I’d find ya, thought you might still be rowing.” – and an entire fandom cheered. It’s been a lot of years since last we saw Arya’s first crush but dude seems to have gotten a personality transplant. He’s raring to go, so he whips out his war hammer and introduces it to the face of a Lannister guard.

tenor

My questions to you: how excited were you upon Gendry’s return? How important will he be to the story going forward since he completely ignored Davos’s advice and charmed his way into Jon Snow’s good graces pretty much immediately by talk of their father’s friendship? How cool was it to have a “Stark” and a “Baratheon” back together again, heading off to tear shit up? Where does the war hammer rank on the list of all-time great weapons? 

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ES: First off, the biggest thing I noticed about all of this stuff is that the plan to bring a wight to Cersei seems unnecessarily complicated. Like, in the time it takes for Team Let’s Be Crazy and Meet The Deadz on Their Home Turf to get to Eastwatch, couldn’t Dany just wipe them off the map?

Also, Jon is the biggest fool ever if he goes to King’s Landing.

This scene does prove the point, though, that Team Dany does believe Jon… though maybe that’s because she’s ALL about the King in the North now… more on this later, though.

Davos is suddenly the funniest guy in Westeros. There’s his introduction of “This is Jon Snow…. he’s King in the North,” his “Fewer” comment last week along with asking Jon if he should change sides, and now his “still rowing” comment this week, which is a BIG nod to us geeks out there, and thus concludes the longest pause before the punchline ever. He also had one of my favorite lines in this episode outside of the “rowing” comment… “Nothing fucks you harder than time.” True. Dat.

All that said, I don’t think he’s the type of guy to suffer from false modesty. He’s not a character like Olaf and going to shrug off singing Berserker if he can actually sing Berserker. I’m sure he can fight at least a little, but I also don’t think that he’s like super good at it or anything. He mentions this last season as well when they are protecting Jon’s corpse.

As far as Gendry’s actual return, I was… slightly excited.

When Davos said he had bidness to take care of, I was wondering what he was up to. When I saw the blacksmiths, I knew what was up and basically just let go a “wowwww…Gendry” and that was about it.

I do like that he takes after his old man, though, and likes to use a war hammer to pulpify his enemies’ heads. I also like that he straight up told Jon who he was…. one “bastard” to another. Though part of me is wondering if he just came back to be used as White Walker fodder, or if he will get to reunite with Arya at some point. I’m thinking that it would be a tad pointless to bring him back to just kill him, and that the Arya reunion would more or less complete his character arc, so I’m going to say that he’ll get to do that.

Also, and just as a note, Gendry’s dad literally killed Jon’s dad… with a hammer… thereby making the “my dad could beat up your dad” debate moot for the new besties. I wonder if this will be touched on at some point.

Lastly here, and to answer your question, the war hammer is definitely in the top 10 of all-time great weapons. I would put it somewhere between the dagger and the trebuchet.

LACEY: The vibe I get with Davos is that he was probably a scrapper in his youth, he’s probably seen enough fighting to last his whole life and is just over it. He makes a lot of mentions about how bad he is in a fight, but I wouldn’t count him out if the stakes were really high, you know?

I never read the opening credits, like never ever, but this week, for some reason, I spotted “Joe Dempsie” during the opening, and I was like, guess someone finally got tired of rowing. So, basically, thank you Davos for giving us all the Gendry joke we wanted. I thank you. The fandom thanks you. The internet thanks you. Well done, sir.

On the Gendry/Jon situation (You know that slashfic exists, if if it didn’t before Sunday, it does now), shout out to my girl Val for sending me the exact same GIF Jim used above at about 11:30 Sunday night:

Exhibit A

Exhibit A

But, I digress, while Jon loved and respected Ned, I don’t think his daddy issues this season will be coming from Papa Stark. Homeboy’s got an identity crisis afoot, and some seriously confusing feelings to deal with. Will he find out the truth of his parentage before or after he gets a little dragon tail in his life? If you know what I’m saying? Sex. I’m saying they’re going to do the sex.

Again, I digress, Gendry and Jon share the bond of being raised bastards, Gendry never knew his pa, and already seems slightly smarter than the King of Fuckin’ & Fightin’, and Jon literally never knew Rhaegar, so I don’t think it’s going to be a thing. Just kidding, it’s totally going to be a thing. The war hammer, specifically Gendry’s Badass Mutherfuckin’ Warhammer, is a pretty awesome weapon, especially if you know how to use it. According the slashfic I am definitely not going to write, he definitely knows how to use it.

As for going off to tear shit up, aka The Farce in the North, like whaaaattt thheee fuuuuuuuuck? It seems like a fool’s errand, or like someone needs to get killed off, or some important plot point needs to be made. Perhaps about one Jorah Mormont and his cured-ass greyscale, hmmm… And if you’re going to complain about travel time, what’d it take him to get from Old Town to Dragonstone, like 3 days? Finally, if you’re going to go up there and try to catch a wight, you’re on the wrong show, y’all need some Walking Dead season 2 Michonne in your lives. At least take Brienne. Tormund agrees with me.

Tormund: "Did you bring anyone else? The big woman?"

Tormund: “Did you bring anyone else? The big woman?”

JIM: Let’s conflate both the Twincest meetings into one section, shall we? First, Jaime relays his dragon experience to Sister-Lover and drops the knowledge that Olenna, not Tyrion, is the one who killed Joffrey. He tries to get her to see the ultimate futility in a war against dragons and Cersei is having none of it, prepared to die for her cause, such as it is. In meeting number two, Jaime walks in on Qyburn offering to give Cersei something, which she refuses. After a tense pregnant pause when Jaime confesses that he just met with Tyrion, Cersei reveals that she knew about the meeting all along and allowed it to happen because she has come to re-think her approach to the three D’s – Dead men. Dragons. Dragon Queens. Apparently her love of the fourth D – Jaime’s – has lead to yet another incest baby. And why not, the first three went REALLY well, right? They embrace and Cersei sours the bonding moment with “Never betray me again.”

What do you suppose happened between meeting #1 and #2 to change Cersei’s mind about her approach to Dany? Do you think she really is pregnant or did she use the idea to bring Jaime back into the fold. Will she and/or Jaime really punish Bronn? How far over the edge has Cersei gone? Clearly if they end up agreeing to an armistice, she’s not just going to follow through with it, right? And does this talk of a cease-fire (ya, know, cuz dragons…see what I did there?) flip-flop the order of resolution…I had assumed the Iron Throne would be ironed out before the final battle against the Dead took place, but perhaps it may be the other way around?

ES: Okay, so the revelation about Cersei being pregnant took me by surprise! … well, if she’s not lying about it for some reason. Why lie? Because girlfriend is TWISTED at this point, that’s why.

Nice bit of foreshadowing in the twins first meeting with her talking about bringing Tyrion back into this on their behalf. Also, I found the setting of Tyrion and Jaime’s meeting against the backdrop of dragon heads to be QUITE befitting…. but where was our Tyrion and Bronn reunion moment!!!?!?!?!?! I’m still slightly miffed we didn’t get to see more of these two together. And how did Tryion find him so quickly???

All that said, I don’t think Bronn is going to be punished… because he’s Bronn and he’s too slick for that shit…. though I also wondered what he was still doing in King’s Landing because those dragons can come at any time…

I think that MAYBE Cersei realized that she can’t win a conventional war against dragons… no matter how many mercs she gets… so she sees this potential armistice as some time to either figure things out, or hope that something horrible befalls Dany.

I also assumed that shit would get ironed out with the Iron Throne before the War of the Deadz… though I’m still not quite convinced that it won’t be. I think you’re right in that she is totally going to do something to break the armistice, but who knows? Could be that next episode Jon survives his trip beyond the Wall and has a wight to show her, and maybe Cersei has a moment of clarity (which would happen in Episode 7)? Then we would wait until next season to see how ALL this shit plays out?

Part of me, however, thinks this expedition beyond the Wall may turn out to be pretty fruitless… well, outside of eliminating a few characters as we head towards the series’ end game.

LACEY: Time is an illusion, a meaningless social construct, and much like the normal rules of this world, I’m just going to assume that it has no bearing on anything anymore. Up is down, in is out, dragons are alive, the subject of Nazis, good or bad, is being debated, nothing is real anymore. Sorry to bring down the recap, but to quote Morty, of Rick & Morty, “Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV.” And speaking of everybody dying, that can be Cersei’s only motive for letting any of these people into King’s Landing, armistice or no, these people are challenging her authority. She wants the Dragon Queen, and the King in the North, and her little brother dead. Perhaps, when they stroll into the throne room with a dead guy on a leash, she’ll change her mind.

The timing of Cersei’s pregnancy seems real, real suspect. She needs to reel Jaime in, she was always jealous of his affection for Tyrion and now that he knows Tyrion didn’t kill Joffery, things could look different to him. Also, if he’s got a new, little twincest baby to fight for, he may not consider surrendering to Dany and her dragons as easily. It all fits too neatly into place, not to mention, that in order to keep Euron and his ships on her side, carrying a potential monster seems like a bad call, no?

Honestly, I think Cersei is feeling a little too big for her britches, and not just because of the possible bun in the oven. Her madness (perhaps advanced syphilis from the good King Robert) is telling her that she can win or should die trying, but let’s add up all the factors. 1. Most of her army is dead. 2. Methinks House Tarly is about to declare for Team Targaryen. 3. Her brother-lover seems to be wavering regardless of whether Cersei is up the stick or not. Her thought processes are not clear, they’re all tangly and gross.

Finally, Bronn doesn’t get punished, he does the punishing.

Baby

JIM: Back in Winterfell, Littlefinger is up to his old tricks. As the Lords give Sansa some shit about Jon’s plan to head north of the Wall again, Arya is none too pleased with how big sister handles it. Sensing an opening to drive a wedge between the two of them, Littlefinger arranges to have an old raven communication brought to him, which he barely hides in his room. Arya takes the bait, breaks in and find the message, which was the one that Cersei forced Sansa to send way back in Season 1 encouraging Robb to bend the knee. It seems no one knows how to exploit the foolish Starks better than Littlefinger, but do you think Arya will fall for it? Arya has always thought Sansa to be a bit silly, do you think the divide between the sisters will become even wider and if so, how does Littlefinger exploit that?

ES: Littlefinger, as always, definitely knows what the fuck he’s doing. He already knows (somehow) that Sansa and Arya aren’t like newfound BFFs Jon and Gendry, and that there is a lot of distrust between the two… especially since Arya returned home all murdery.

While I love seeing Arya and Littlefinger go all Spy vs. Spy, it makes me fear for my girl as well. As slick and stealthy as she has become, I still don’t think she can match wits with the slickest player in the game. But the Wolf Girl has come up against steep odds before and won. I’m cringing to see how this turns out, as LF knows that if he can make that wedge deeper between the Starks, it only plays out better for him.

What I was wondering in watching this, though, is why isn’t Arya spying on him with other people’s faces? Though mayhaps she has to kill someone in order to do this?

One other thing I want to mention in regards to Winterfell is the Bran thing. He’s warging into ALL THE RAVENS now? Also, can the Night’s King break all of his warging activities, or did something else happen there? I ask because this would greatly come into play if, as some think will eventually happen, Bran wargs into a dragon.

LACEY: All Littlefinger seems to be doing is cruising for a bruising. Sure, Arya and Sansa have always been a little at odds, but ultimately, they’re family, and Littlefinger is just some multi-generational creep with a thing for redheads. So, I don’t see how this is going to go his way, regardless of how well thought out he thinks his plan is. I also wouldn’t rule out Arya letting Littlefinger see her so he thinks things are going his way. Neither sister is stupid, and neither trusts Littlefinger, maybe they’re joining forces to take him down.

WeddSinger

JIM: In other Dragonstone events, Dany flies back from battle and rudely parks her dragon in Jon’s spot. He reaches out and dragon whispers that bitch in a way which impresses Dany and gives another nod to fans about Jon’s true lineage, which we’ll get to in a bit. Also, Ser Jorah makes his way back to his Khaleesi, ditching his old clothes and showing up in this season’s finest from the Skywalker Return of the Jedi Black collection. He shares a nice moment with Tyrion when the Hand gives him the Slaver’s coin and informs him “Nobody glowers quite like you, not even Grey Worm.” That coin, which was meant to last them the rest of their lives, and Jorah being cut off by Jon’s arrival just as he begins to say something to Dany, doesn’t seem to bode too well for Ser Bad Decision’s return from the raid beyond the Wall.

Later, Jon and company arrive at Eastwatch By The Sea and are reunited with Tormund, who conveniently happens to have The Hound, Beric Dondarrion, and Thoros of Myr locked in a cell. This Motley Crew decides to band together and Magnificent Seven their way beyond the wall to bring back a White Walker. What could go wrong?

This is the moment Es gets to geek out about a new location on the credits map, so have at it. Also, do you think Jorah has run his course and this might be the end for him? Which of this group of intrepid kidnappers is most likely to bite it and become one of the army of the dead? 

ES: Oh my god… I legit fucking squealed (yes, squealed… legit squealed) when the opening credits went down the Wall to Eastwatch. Though, that also made me think… that’s at the Wall too… so when they go to “The Wall” in the opening credits shouldn’t it really say “Castle Black”? Ugh… the shit I think about.

Secondly, Dany went full-on Dieter from Sprockets…. TOUCH MY DRAGON!! TOUCH HIM!!! LOVE HIM!!!! Drogon knows more than Jon Snow about his lineage… and I’ve also seen this compared to Tyrion touching the dragons last season, and that again feeds the him as a secret Targaryen theory… hmmm…

They are certainly setting it up that this was Jorah’s last time with both Dany and Tyrion… much like in Season 1 when Cat leaves Ned, you could just FEEL that it was the last time they were going to see each other. (Though, you know, my perception is a bit skewed with that since I knew that was the last time they see each other because books.) This may be SBD’s most-ultimate BAD DECISION… especially since he nor none of the other band of merry men going beyond the Wall didn’t think to take horses for some reason.

I’ve been thinking about who is going to die beyond the Wall, and really, it could be any one of them, if not ALL of them, outside of Jon. I’m going to say Gendry and Tormund survive, though… but that could be wishful thinking about my boy Tormund (I just hope he gets to see “the big woman” again).

All that said, I don’t mean to sound callous, because really, I’ll be sad about any one of those guys dying. Leaving Jon out of it, who I would be most sad to least sad about dying…

  • Tormund
  • The Hound
  • Ser Bad Decision
  • Thoros
  • Gendry
  • Beric (if only because the dude’s died like seven times already)

Also, didn’t the Brotherhood have more men with them than just the three of them?? That said, the seven guys in this crew make up a fairly bad ass team.

LACEY: Seriously, why didn’t they bring the big woman? They would have had all the biggest badasses in the Seven Kingdoms in one damn crew. Maybe I just ship Tormund/Brienne a little hard. I’m still on greyscale, and Jorah’s having been cured of it as the real reason for this trip beyond the Wall. Will we see him again? No se. But, I’m doubling the fuck down on it having something to do with an immunity to greyscale. Which, how in all their time together, had Sam not mentioned his pal Jon Snow, Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, King in the North? You’d think Jorah would have some sort of exchange with him about all that.

Yes, Es, the Brotherhood were rolling with a bigger crew, including one Lady Stoneheart, but time and character condensation wait for no man. [Es: Though I mean a bigger crew in the show…] The show has pushed so many characters into other characters in the service of making things less confusing for show viewers, that it’s made things confusing for book readers.

All signs point to Tyrion and Jon being the other dragon riders, right? They’re the only three I recall petting dragons, although Jon really makes ol’ Drogon purr, doesn’t he, the way to a mother’s heart is through her children. Or something like that.

Es

JIM: Ok, let’s get to the meat of this episode – Gilly and Sam. I never thought I’d think that, let alone write it down, but here we are. Since no one is, yet again, taking Sam seriously at the Citadel about the threat of the Night King, he packs everything he owns, and some stuff he doesn’t, in a box on the left, on the left and hightails it outta there. But before that can happen, Stupid Gilly practices her reading skills and inadvertently stumbles upon information that essentially gives one Jon Snow a stronger claim to the Iron Throne than even his Auntie Dany!

Rewind to last season when Bran witnessed Ned Stark enter the Tower of Joy to find his dying sister had just given birth and made him promise to take care of her baby…the baby who we now know is Jon Snow. Well, Ned’s sister Lyanna had that baby with Rhaegar Targaryen. Prince Rhaegar Targaryen. Or Prince Ragger, as Stupid Gilly pronounced it. The same Prince – stay with me here – who apparently had his marriage to Elia Martell (sister of Oberyn) annulled and was remarried to another woman in Dorne. If that woman was Lyanna Stark, as we all expect, that means Jon is no longer the bastard son of Rhaegar, but his legit full-blood son and grandson of the Mad King, which puts him in line for the Iron Throne – ahead of Dany, cuz she’s just a woman and women have a brain a third the size of a man, that’s just science.

Aaaaaaannnnd I’m spent for the second time.

I find it hilarious that such a vital piece of information was interrupted by Sam’s tantrum about some old Maester’s shits. I say go freeform with your thoughts about this revelation and tell us what you think this means for Dany & Jon’s tenuous relationship. Also, how do you think Sam will react when he finds out that Jon’s ally just burned his Dad & Dickon to a crisp?

ES: Hey, Jim, why don’t you mansplain to us (or creepsplain would be more accurate for you) about women’s brains?

All I know is that Gilly was dropping MADD knowledge and Sam was too much of a man to listen. Though, to his credit, look at Sam bucking up! Once he realized that no one was going to listen to him at the Citadel, he bolted, so good on him.

So is he going to Castle Black? Winterfell? I would think the latter since it’s on the way.

And while this revelation about Jon’s parents is HUGE, I don’t think it changes anything with Jon and Dany’s relationship and where it’s going. I’m thinking they get married to make that alliance solidified, as I believe Lacey pointed out last week.

And while Sam may be a bit pissed that his brother, who all in all seemed a decent fellow with an egregiously bad name, was burned to a crisp by Jon’s new crush, he may also be really happy that she did the same to Worst Father Evur, so methinks it might even out.

LACEY: Between that shithead from Google, Sam, Jim, and basically, the whole fucking world is mansplaining and interrupting-

Trump

…and talking over women. Because if any of you assholes would just listen to us, you’d have so much more correct information. Like that Jon Snow is Jon Fucking Targaryen, Son of Rhaegar, Lord of Winterfell and Dragonstone, Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, the King in the North, King of the Seven Kingdoms. Also, every single woman has experienced something similar to what Sam did to Gilly and its god damned infuriating, no matter how annoying I find her and her mouth breathing. Sam, you’re supposed to be better than this and here you are, being just as big a shit as every other privileged bro who’s decided that their rage is more important than what anyone else has to say. Spoiler alert: it’s not. At least Sam did something useful with his rage, instead of say, marching down a street in a Southern city with a tiki torch.

Dany and Jon marrying is all but a foregone conclusion in my mind, and at this point, with all of the fan service this show is doing, I can’t see anything else happening. Targaryens are known for intermarrying anyway, this is, as I see it, a non-issue. And as for the toastier members of the Tarly clan, Pa Tarly sucked. Dickon was, well, dickish when Sam & Gilly visited Horn Hill on the way to the Citadel. I’m sure now that he’s out, he’ll hear of the roasting of his male relatives and stop by the old homestead before heading off to find Jon. I’m really not sure what the rules are, but I think it’s possible that he becomes Lord Tarly by default, adding a Southron lord to the cause in the North. Regardless, I don’t think Sam holds much sentimentality for his family.

But, I’m just a woman, with my puny woman brain, so what could I possibly know?

Mansplain

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4 thoughts on “Game of Thrones Recap Spectacular! – Eastwatch

  1. Cersei’s prophecy was that she would have 3 children so my assumption is this a ploy to get Jamie back from wavering or she miscarries or she dies.

  2. I hope Gendry and Arya survive for no other reason but to see next year’s promo poster: Gendry manspreading on the iron throne with that hammer in his lap and Arya standing at his right hand doing that behind the back sword thing.

    2018 Make Westeros Great Again

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