The Blah-king Dead: The Walking Dead Recap: Season 3, Episode 11: I Ain’t A Judas

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It is definitely time to cut-off Mr. Chomps’ Logo subscription, or maybe take away his Living Single DVDs, his sass is through the roof!

But, um, so, Axel, huh? He’s still dead. But hey, somehow Rick, Darryl and Merle made it through the walker-infested yard to safety. And, after all the BOOM and kablaam-o of last week, this week feels a little down. It’s just quieter is all, I suppose, and silence can speak volumes. This silence is mostly saying that Andrea isn’t a terribly effective negotiator, but I guess it’s hard to negotiate when you’re stuck between a batshit crazy rock and a homicidal place. Let’s talk about what happened, shall we?

Following the Governor’s blitz attack, our survivors regroup in Cell Block C (The “C” stands for cozy!), Hershel’s for running, Merle thinks they’ve missed their window. Merle explains all the ways the Governor is a dick who will kill them all dead. Some of the kids want to hide their heads in the sand by banishing Merle to another cell block (Cell Block D, the “D” stands for douche!), but Rick realizes that Merle has a point and wants to hear him out. More yelling and loud noises. Hershel brings up the Ricktatorship speech in his own special pep talk. Rick goes to scope out the prison yard, which is now full of zombies, and the surrounding areas, thankfully Summer’s Eve Lori-free. Carl comes out to join him, and decides to punch his dad in the balls, telling him he should stop being the leader. He wants Hershel and Darryl to handle things. I’d like Darryl to handle somethings, heh.

(Dear AMC, I am a straight-up nerdy, Kevin Smith fangirl. I know lots of comic book geeks. None of us like Comic Book Men, you don’t need to keep doing it. Then again, who am I to make assessments? Thanks bazillions, Lacey)

Over in Woodbury, Milton is running through the Woodburians for their able-bodiness. The Governor makes him include everyone over 13 (“Adolesence, it’s a 20th Century invention.”), bringing the total of Woodbury’s army to 35. Andrea comes in, having heard about the prison, wanting to know what’s up. The Governor lies, of course, and tells her that Rick and the Gang shot first. Andrea then turns on Milton wanting to know if he knew, he says no. Andrea wants to stop the violence before it gets anyone else killed, she wants to go talk to her friends, Phillip tells her that if she goes to that prison, she should just stay there. He totally sounds like a “you leave this house, don’t you come back” dad.

Andrea comes upon Teen Wolf‘s mom arguing with Caesar about her son’s asthma and him being only 14 and saying he shouldn’t fight. You guys, Teen Wolf on Teen Wolf had asthma too! Becoming a werewolf cured it! I see what you’re doing here, Kirkman, if I could have Stiles and Dreamy Snake Guy on my show, I’d do anything to make it happen too. I mean, werewolves are the next logical step in Walking Dead-evolution, right? Anyway, Caesar is apparently Woodbury’s drill sergeant and tells Andrea they must become an army to defend themselves. 

Either one.

In the prison, Rick returns home and tells the kids he’s got Maggie out on watch. They can’t figure out a good way to clear the yard without wasting all of their bullets. Glenn is still pretty pissed about Merle being around. Hershel is laying on the reason thick, talking about Merle’s military experience and loyalty to Darryl. Glenn still wants to hand Merle over to the Gov for, um, governing. Hershel goes to have a tete-a-tete with Merle, telling him the story of losing his leg, and Bible-ing him up a bit. Merle’s familiar, apparently Milton made sure Woodbury had a bitchin’ library, which Merle misses, because he can read. Merle explains what the Governor’s killing order will be when he returns to illustrate how awful the Governor really is.

At Woodbury city hall, the Governor is inspecting the possible troops. Milton mentions that Ms. McCloud has arthritis. The Governor says they’ll have to find another way she can help them, and I swear to the great spirit in the sky that I thought he was going to shoot her right on the spot. He also ignores Andrea’s assertion that Walking Dead Wolf is asthmatic and should be excused. The Governor tells the kid he’ll learn to shoot from the best, which is pretty much the biggest lie old Phil has ever told, considering everyone but Andrea in Woodbury seems to shoot like they’re in an episode of The A-Team. (What I meant there children, is that no one ever hit a person they were shooting at on The A-Team. Now, get off my lawn.)

In the prison, Carol goes to mother Darryl some, telling him that Merle is no good for him. Merle, for his part, is off trying to make up with Michonne, telling her that he’s done a lot of things he’s not proud of, before and after, and that he hopes they can get past it. Michonne responds in typical Michonne fashion, which is to glare at him with menace and mystery.

Andrea is over in Woodbury, asking Milton to help her get out of town so she can go talk to the old gang. He doesn’t want to have to lie to the Governor. But he acquiesces and immediately runs to tell the Governor what Andrea’s up to. Sweet Jesus, he’s just as in love with the Gov as Andrea’s vagina is, isn’t he. Poor Milty, I think he’d have to be the last warm body on Earth to have a shot. Regardless, the Governor tells Milton to give Andrea the help she asked for. So, in the woods, we see them Michonne-ing a walker, and Andrea performing the most-brutal curb stomping since American History X, actually, I think it may be even more brutal, what with the super-extreme close-up we get. Oh, but, hey! Look who it is! Tyrese! And Sasha! And Jean Jacket! And, um, that other guy! Milton offers to take them back to Woodbury, while Andrea continues on her run.

Because this is what the internet said to me when I looked for an Andrea curb stomp gif, you get to see Grumpy Cat instead.

At the prison, Andrea approaches with her “guardian angel” in the lead. Carl and Maggie spot her and send for reinforcements. Rick gives her a good, old Georgia welcome, which is to say that he shoves her up against a fence, forces her to her knees and searches her for weapons. Not exactly the reunion she was expecting, I’ll bet.

Andrea’s trying to reassure Rick and Hershel that she’s on their side, but Rick’s memory of what her “boyfriend” did is too fresh, and Hershel too smart to think a man like that wants to negotiate. Outside, Andrea runs into Michonne, who she thinks has poisoned the group against her. Michonne, in more words than she’s ever used at once, tells Andrea that she didn’t and that she went back to Woodbury to “unmask” the Governor because she “knew it would hurt” Andrea. Too bad Andrea’s still under the magical spell of Little Phil.

The Governor goes to meet with Tyrese in the infirmary, he’s pretty much uninterested until Jean Jacket and the Kid pipe up about a crazy guy at a prison. Milton and the Governor want Tyrese’s help mapping out the prison. Tyrese wants to do whatever he can to keep the measly remainders (new shoegaze band name!) of his group alive. Sasha looks unsure about the bargain being struck.

Back at the prison, Andrea goes to meet Lil’ Asskicker, correctly guessing that Darryl stuck her with the moniker. While cooing over the baby, Carol tells Andrea to give the Governor the night of his life and while he’s sleeping, to just end this once and for all. You know, after all this, Carol is totally my kind of girl. I think we could hang.

I’d also like to point out that this baby has adorable, clean knitted booties in the zombie apocalypse. How?

Rick gives Andrea a car to get back to Woodbury in, telling her to be careful. Later, Rick sketches out plans for the next day, telling Darryl that he’ll be taking Michonne and Carl on a gun run. He tells Darryl to stay behind and keep an eye on Merle, telling him that if there are any Merle-related problems, it’s on Darryl. In other news, Beth is apparently a big Tom Waits fan, which I find more shocking than anything I’ve seen on television in a good, long while. I mean it’s lovely, but very weird.

Upon arriving back in Woodbury, Andrea tells the Governor that her friends are broken and living in deplorable conditions. He asks if Rick sent her back there, she tells him it was her call, that she chose Woodbury. The Governor says that it’s because she belongs there and kisses her. That night, as the Governor sleeps, Andrea goes and gets out her knife. She stands naked over him for a minute, poised to strike, but decides against it and turns to look fearfully out the window. So, I guess she’s a Judas to the Originals, but not to Woodbury, not yet anyway. And while we’re talking betrayal metaphors, this one was really more of a Julius Caesar situation, I guess “I Ain’t a Brutus” just didn’t have the same ring.

Next week, well I can’t really tell what happens from the promo, except for that Rick, Michonne and Carl are in a town with people. At least I think that was a person. I don’t know, but it looks more action-y and less talk-y than this week. Not that talk-y isn’t good sometimes, talk-y can work just as good as action-y to move things along, no? Join me next week to see!


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